Today sucked. My buddy asked me if I wanted to hang out with him and his brother and I was totally stoked about hanging out and in reality any time I get to hang out with someone I feel excited. I don't have a brother my age to talk to and enjoy their company and I use my friend's company as if they're a sibling of mine cause in reality I am a very lonely individual. Now back to my story I was excited to hang and I got ready and I kept staring at my clock till it was 10 when I assumed I was going to get picked up, but then time struck 11 and I felt a bit bummed cause I was thinking yeah I don't think I'm going to hang with them, but I still kept a bit of hope. Then time struck 12 at this point I knew I wasn't going anywhere and I felt extremely bummed out and mad, I was mad cause instead of getting a tweet saying bro I don't think we are going to pick you up sorry. I didn't get a notification instead I had to tell myself "no one wants to hang with you" which is true. I don't have anyone to hang with, but my good friend Eddie and he didn't hang with me.
I know I'm 20 and it's bad for me to pity myself, but honestly I'm only human and I'm going to feel sad and pity myself. Well now I deactivated my facebook cause I'm a huge failure with women all the women who liked me either ignore me or told me off. All I was looking for was companionship I just want someone to talk to and laugh don't get me wrong I love having sex which was what most of these women wanted and I was going to give them the D, but they ignored me. So I said fuck this I don't need to keep paying attention to you bitches kiss my ass. I'm too nice for my own good and I don't give a shit enough to care which is even more of a problem now I hate confessing things to women and then they use it as leverage against you I mean what kind of shit is that? I just wanna meet a nice girl, but it's difficult since I don't own a phone which all women love gabbing on the phone, but I have a computer tho and all the women on Livejasmin seem to love me <3. Slowly I'm maturing more and more everyday cause I'm realizing a lot of things that the women I know are doing is childish and I don't need that kind of behavior or actions in my life.
For the first time in a year I felt the feeling of having a crush and I like it O_O I've felt more alive and it's something to look forward to if anything ever sparks between me and this woman who will remain nameless also I find it funny how I developed a crush on her this fast. Why do I have a crush on her? It's because I didn't know there are women who act like total dorks aren't lying about it. The only thing I hate is that I keep telling myself I don't have a chance in hell in reality I actually don't, but in my head I do and just typing this all up my heart feels ticklish and excited. I am not very attractive from what I've seen in the mirror this woman is way out of my league if I looked like my buddy Eddie I'd probably have a shot, but I don't and also I'm a loser I have no job and I don't go to college so why would any women in their right mind give me a shot? I wish I were in college, but I know my future is bright and that my time to shine is in the near future so I have that glimmer of hope. I know the woman I like will never read this so I at least have a shot, but if she ever finds this blog I am screwed also I think she's just being nice to me in reality I'm not her type probably.
I have a healthy crush, it's given me a reason to greet the morning and smile just by thinking of her lol this still sounds creepy oh well.
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