Alright

I'm going to stop talking to the girl that I've had a huge crush on since High School she doesn't need a loser like me in her life, I should focus on just getting my life straightened out...I'm so fucking sleepy right now...and I got my friend angry.

I'm a prick...No wonder no one likes me or can't stand me after awhile.

History Repeats Itself

I am terrible at starting conversations, but um my saturday I spent all day thinking about my ex's and how every single one of them is faker than the last which has been funny to think about and I know I should say things like that, but it's true. Now I am thinking about how much of a dull person I am cause I can't hold long conversations with people which makes me sad cause when I really need to talk I have no one to talk to which is cool since I'm not going to pester people into talking to me. Honestly I find it difficult to talk to people cause I usually have lots to talk to about and they usually don't I guess it's just in my personality to talk a lot and now that I think about it I pretty lonely. Mom told me something today that shocked me and the first time she told me I thought she was joking, but she told me again today and I laughed about it yet in the back of my mind I was saying she's serious which hurts me. I kind of want to reactivate my facebook cause I want some interaction with people I know, but in reality I know that I'm expecting too much from people I know lol the people I "know" are all selfish and stupid.


I'm just going to keep it all in and see when will it all come pouring out.

Love in the Cosmos

I have a deep love for the cosmos and by that mean the universe and not the drink. The universe intrigues me I wonder where I fit in and what's my role? I wonder if there is someone out there looking up at the sky and seeing the same think I see. Wonder when I'll met someone, it's been too long I'd like something stable, but I hope she's everything I'm looking for and more.

Next time I'll look up at the sky I'm going to imagine myself looking for that girl's heart cause all I want is a chance who knows I'm probably not worth the time.

I'm hopeless. I'm a lover. I'm a dreamer

Fuck this entry. She'll never see me.

Beam me up Scotty...

And on the 7th Day

Jose did absolutely nothing and he gave not 1 fuck. Netflix is amazing I love it cause it makes my days go by and I miss socializing with people I wanna go 2 weeks without talking to anyone, but I'll probably go 1 I don't know yet. I wish this girl would talk to me, but shes probably just busy so thats ok with surprises me to say cause I would get salty. Maybe this ignoring the world thing is working out for me I wonder what I'll do for another week of solitude?

Even 6th Place are Winners (Fuck That)

I witnessed Chelsea win the Champions League....Fuck that I'm pissed this means that Spurs are out of the CL and are going to play in the Europa for people who don't know Spuds are the club in London that Arsenal are rivals with. I am a supporter of The Mighty Arsenal and too see Chelsea win the Champions League is devastating cause they are the first London Club to win the CL and that glory was Arsenal's, but not anymore and I'm crushed. I wanted to cry and I want to cry cause I'm typing this in, but the gods were on the Blues side and now I have to deal with a team who placed 6th in the Premier League are basically the best team in Europe understand how angry and sad I am.

I'm lonely I wish I would have posted on twitter about the game...I really wanted to go on twitter and tweet about the game, but no I didn't which was hard for me since I always tweet about football. The toughest thing I had to take yesterday was that my friend is hanging out with an Ex gf of mine honestly never thought I would see that happening. I must be a boring person and now I have a stress headache I don't like getting those, but whatever people offer things I can't. Screw it I'll just keep sitting here, without social media my days are fucking  boring damn I'm a loser.

Jose is a sad loser.

RAGE-O Was his name-o

Today has not been a good day. My upload was completely screwed with by youtube and then I lashed out at people I'm just not in a good state of mind. Yesterday I was talking to my ex and I guess she was feeling down and I offered to listen and she completely blew me off that's annoying yo...You said you'd tell me tomorrow I say cool and I wait the entire day and nothing. PLEASE I repeat PLEASE do not tell me your going to do something then completely fucking blow off me being nice. Now going forward to present time, I lashed out at my friend now he won't talk to me I mean I guess bro I been meaning to talk to you, but since you were M.I.A. I didn't want to bother you. I'll let you be dawg I'll just hang out with myself and this blog that lets me vent my frustrations I think I'll go a step further and just stop posting on my twitter for awhile to completely stop my interaction with the world.

Well while typing this I made post on twitter saying I'll post on it whenever I feel up to it probably in a week or 2 I'll be good. I guess I'll say it on here, I'm not happy and I'm tired of hiding behind a smile oh don't confuse this I'm not suicidal I'm just not happy. Also I just want someone to talk to I get sad whenever I have thinking I wanna say, but no one is around to listen so I just talk to myself it helps, but it get old I just some human interaction. My adult life is going to suck well maybe or it will be great shit I have no clue I'm just in a bummed out mood at the moment. Either that or I'm bipolar, honestly I think I might be cause I'm depressed yet I'm having mood swings I'm happy but I'm angry and all this shit...I'm just probably imaging all this. No woman is going to want having me around like this, but who can blame them. Honestly I wish I could hang out with that 1 chick I want to meet and get to know her and possibly get turned down, but I'll be happy cause I did what I wanted to do. My self esteem is weird cause I have it high and low sometimes haha, also going back on topic I'm too weird for this chick also I don't know her so it would be weird of me to ask her to hang out since she has no idea who I am.

I'm sure that I'm not her type at all lol I've only seen 1 picture of her, but not the point I'm sure I'm not her type cause I'm extremely beaner looking and I'm big in the sense that i'm tall and my frame isn't skinny, but i'm not obese. ahaha why am I describing myself this so stupid, Some guys have better luck with woman and some don't and I'm that guy who has no luck with woman cause I'm not what most chicks have in mind. A 6ft Mexican who talks educated and sounds like if he was a white boy. A lot of people tell me that my voice sounds like a white persons and honestly I never understood wtf that ment I mean seriously how does one sound like an white or black person or whatever.

Well yeah I think I got somethings off my chest let's see what tomorrow has in store .__. I'm just going to think about that 1 chick

Time...

There is a nice breeze outside today, I had nothing, but a lot to think about if that even makes sense. I wonder how boring I am? I can never seem to hold a proper conversation most people end a conversation with me quick. I don't know if it's just me, but I think that I'm funny although when it comes to actually being funny yeah...I don't seem to get any response, but not what I wanted to talk about. I was thinking today I wonder if anyone thinks about be during the day I sure this is a common thing of a person to think about well maybe a lonely person haha. I don't let being lonely bother me so much I don't shut down and mope and whatever I just look for an outlet so I can cheer myself up and my blog usually helps even tho I'm sure no one reads this, but oh well ha it's like a personal journal then. I haven't talked to that chick I like which is ok I'm not bummed out or anything I've just been remembering my dreams lately and I've been trying my best to figure out what the might have ment.

As much as it bothers me to wait...I just have to keep waiting, I mean look Jim waited for Pam and that went well for him. Except I'm not a Paper Salesman at Dunder Mifflin :( (I wish I was lol) I need to put out a gameplay video for tomorrow cause I've been limiting myself to an episode a week...All because I am not getting any views I should just keep pushing myself and eventually it will pay off right?

Now that I completed this blog entry thats it for me now I'm going to stay surfing the web and do thing for probably 8 more hours then go to bed. Then repeat the task, no one is ever on skype well no one tend to like talking to me on skype instead haha. Well yeah (smile here) later.