Life always throws curve balls, change ups, but we always find away to hit that ball right out of the park and run the bases with 1 finger pointed at the sky with our head held high. Lately I've been faced with lots of challenges and now that I have support from my family to start the career I want the pressure of failing is mounting. I wanna be a Gaming Commentator you might say that's stupid, useless or whatever, but I'm actually passionate about the idea since all I have to do is be myself and from what I'm told I am a funny guy. Also I don't see a lot of Fifa commentaries on Machinma sports which means I should do the honors also I'm not bad at Fifa I see myself as an intermediate level player. Which sorta gets me all giddy inside cause I know I have a chance of making it (insert Smiley Face here) also making people laugh is something I wanna do as well and what better way than to do it on the internet lawl.
That's enough for typing for right now. I'm in a good mood from venting and raging also I'm optimistic about my future.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Busy, Busy, Busy
Well yesterday was my birthday and I had to work on a saturday lol come one how much ass is that I'm a pool escavator so yeah >.> I've been completely busy and tired to update which is sad since I had a lot on my mind and all this -ish. Lots has been going on, but processing it 1 at a time is the best thing I can do at the moment and being high right now doesn't exactly help me and also its almost 1 a.m. so let me hit this blog hard after a snooze.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Have a Lemon
Well I'm still one oddly confused person I mean honestly I wanna talk to someone, but since I don't really talk to anyone I get depressed so I lurk on facebook looking for social interaction which is sad really, but hey I'm a loser so yeah. I realized I should get out of my house more yet the problem here is I really don't have friends -_- sad isn't, but whatever really since most people call me an asshole and then completely ignore me. I should be looking for social approval yet I don't care much for since I'm anti social and all this other shit I'm just being bitter since I can't be a normal young adult. Since I have to work and try to help my family to the best of my ability I much rather be in college right now, but cause of legal reasons I can't and it only complicates my life more. I know everybody has problems maybe I'm just bitching all I'm saying is I wish life would hand me a lemon instead of falling out of the tree and never coming close to my goal which is grabbing a lemon (Metaphor).
Well call me crazy, retarded, stupid, foolish and anything else, but all this will eventually pay off and swing in my favor and I will be one lucky ass person well now back to this since I got lost in daydreaming and listening to music. Now time to rage or typing anything that pops up in my clever mind well I have yet to rant about anything, but nothing has gotten on my nerve so till then I'll be here son. I kinda regret my actions that I did on Friday yet I have no way of reversing what I did I wish I went about things a bit better and now I'm fucked until the next time I see her -_-. We've all meet that one chick that we thought was really cool, but lets be serious for a little bit I'm sure this girl want's no part of me I mean shes the type of girl who hangs with pretty boys and all that gay shit. I do have swagger, but I'm in for a fight to get this girl and I don't care if you have game and you think my game is weak, fuck you this is my life and I go about it differently I'm being a nice dude and yes I'm playing that card. Girl do like a good guy, but you have to grab their attention and being funny does give me points I wanna smack my head on the keyboard cause I really have no idea what to do.
Fuck, now Ima go play Fifa 12 so here is a song cause it's appropriate.
Well call me crazy, retarded, stupid, foolish and anything else, but all this will eventually pay off and swing in my favor and I will be one lucky ass person well now back to this since I got lost in daydreaming and listening to music. Now time to rage or typing anything that pops up in my clever mind well I have yet to rant about anything, but nothing has gotten on my nerve so till then I'll be here son. I kinda regret my actions that I did on Friday yet I have no way of reversing what I did I wish I went about things a bit better and now I'm fucked until the next time I see her -_-. We've all meet that one chick that we thought was really cool, but lets be serious for a little bit I'm sure this girl want's no part of me I mean shes the type of girl who hangs with pretty boys and all that gay shit. I do have swagger, but I'm in for a fight to get this girl and I don't care if you have game and you think my game is weak, fuck you this is my life and I go about it differently I'm being a nice dude and yes I'm playing that card. Girl do like a good guy, but you have to grab their attention and being funny does give me points I wanna smack my head on the keyboard cause I really have no idea what to do.
Fuck, now Ima go play Fifa 12 so here is a song cause it's appropriate.
-At the end of the day I'm walking with the heart of a lion
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Lazy Sunday
I would have said, "Holy Sunday" but come on I don't really practice religion so it would be an awkward thing lol so I spent my day at home I played Video Games and I watched Soccer and Yes I like soccer it's not a mexican thing. It's a European thing cause I'm an Arsenal Supporter woooo Go Gunners! *coughs* Let's move on shall we since today was such a lazy day I completely forgot about my blog since I was caught playing Payday: The Heist. I tend to zone the world out when I'm playing video games cause it distracts me from reality and you know it's fun, but I'm a gamer and not a recreational gamer...BIG DIFFERENCE since most people play every once and awhile. I've been feeling blue lately and by blue I mean sad (hurr) we all can't run from true emotion, but we can suppress feelings, but I rather not since I'm alone most of the time and no one will really pay attention to me if I'm sad. I'm not complaining either I'm just venting which is healthy since I'm expressing my feelings and I get it I'm a dude feelings are taboo and gay (blah blah blah blah) cut the macho shit you know damn well you know what I'm going through just keep lying to yourself by saying, "no you don't."
I'm not sitting behind my computer screen crying or what ever else people say when they read something like this and start having stupid ideas and thinking it's completely true...yeah, no and I seem to be thinking a little bit more on what I should do this week. This week I turn 20 and this year is different since I really have no one to hang with and I doubt half the people I know are going to go out of their way and give 2 fucks only because it'll be my birthday. I mean seriously when was the last time a friend told you oh snap your bday is coming up what are we going to do, yeah that's never happened to me so I'm really on my own this year #ForeverAlone hahaha. I'll probably just watch soccer and then head to a buddy's party cause they are going to celebrate his bday early nothing wrong with going to a party on your bday and I won't say that it's my bday either cause that would be fucked if I would do something like that. I'm getting older -_- but I feel as young as anyone I know.
I'd type another paragraph, but I'm sleepy and I need to keep myself awake so I'll leave a song explaining my mood.
I'm not sitting behind my computer screen crying or what ever else people say when they read something like this and start having stupid ideas and thinking it's completely true...yeah, no and I seem to be thinking a little bit more on what I should do this week. This week I turn 20 and this year is different since I really have no one to hang with and I doubt half the people I know are going to go out of their way and give 2 fucks only because it'll be my birthday. I mean seriously when was the last time a friend told you oh snap your bday is coming up what are we going to do, yeah that's never happened to me so I'm really on my own this year #ForeverAlone hahaha. I'll probably just watch soccer and then head to a buddy's party cause they are going to celebrate his bday early nothing wrong with going to a party on your bday and I won't say that it's my bday either cause that would be fucked if I would do something like that. I'm getting older -_- but I feel as young as anyone I know.
I'd type another paragraph, but I'm sleepy and I need to keep myself awake so I'll leave a song explaining my mood.
-At the end of the day I'm walking with the heart of a lion
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Yesterday Technically Today
During my current state of life I am going through a rough patch with my ex and I know I should get bent out of shape, but she made a change in 1 day now I'm confused more than a 90 year old man trying to log on to the internet. Yesterday was 2 of my bud's birthday so I went out to party and loosen up and enjoy myself so the night began slow and then liquor and beer came into the picture and then all the real fun began, but nothing to crazy happened. I saw a girl that I talked to 1 once and then I didn't see for a whole year, but I knew she recognized me cause since I got their see was staring at me and it wasn't a weird stare it was more of a I know him stare. This girl is pretty too cause hey you never forget a pretty girl's smile especially on how cute I mean I'm being serious at least I enjoyed myself and I talked to her like the whole time I was there, but I didn't make a move cause I didn't know her status. So I'm a good guy I'm just an idiot over all cause I like having a laugh cause without laughter we would not be sane people, but I honestly enjoyed talking to her even tho I would have loved to act a fool drunk. Yet self control is usually a good thing and I felt relaxed and I enjoyed myself and I really couldn't have said that without going to this party even though I almost didn't go, but I said fuck it what do you have better to do?
I really wanna go into detail about my night, but it isn't to be put out like that.
So I'll leave you with this song.
-At the end of the day I'm walking with the heart of a lion
I really wanna go into detail about my night, but it isn't to be put out like that.
So I'll leave you with this song.
-At the end of the day I'm walking with the heart of a lion
Friday, October 21, 2011
Mic Check
Well I not happy and I'm a bit angry so let's channel this anger and make something productive happen so I'm back here lol only because I feel expressing myself makes me feel a lot better instead of punching holes in walls and I still need to fix the hole I put in a door 3 yrs ago, but that's beside my point. I have been neglecting my creative side for a good minute which is terrible since everyone has a creative side, but some people never choose to believe it. I like graphic design and drawing yet I can't draw, but that usually doesn't stop me from doing something and since I have photoshop on my laptop why not design things I mean that's the top reason I bought my laptop for. I'm sure everyone can agree that you work better with music and well I'm typing this entry while listening to music and the reason I got the blogging itch was cause I heard "Hip-Hop Saved My Life by Lupe Fiasco" and it's been too long since I heard this track. Yet what I was wonder is why this song made me feel better and by that I wasn't a good mood then I saw someone tweet the song and I listened to it and I felt better mood wise and I actually smiled and I have a weird smile it's more like a grin lol.
Music is life's miracle remedy and I need my music that fits my mood now if my life had it's own soundtrack that would be more than amazing and enjoyable I mean I have an ipod, but my dad feel in love with my itouch so I gave it to him. I still feel that Kendrick Lamar's album Section.80 is Album of The Year I haven't stopped playing it since it's release and each track on the album has it's own vibe and makes me feel at ease with each passing song. My love for music is only because my father played a lot of country music growing up so I have a lot for every genre and I don't judge till I listen to it and I full know what to expect from that genre most people like Johnny Cash when they think country, but that man sang the blues. Music sure has a funny way of changing a person's mood I mean I was a bit angry before typing this and now I'm completely relaxed and mellow. I need to be a more relaxed person and music should help me accomplish that goal I mean saw a real change in my mood and I do need to be a more chill person since my family on my dad's side are usually angry people and I blame them for my anger lol.
Now I'll pose some questions when you listen to music what mood are you usually in and depending on the genre you put on how do you feel after? If you have never really paid attention to this well challenge yourself and when you feel sad or mad listen to some music and see what your mood is before and after. Do you ever listen to what your music is really saying or do you listen more from a recreational purpose? I'll just say the Charles Hamilton does have a lot of music to match the mood your in and that's one reason why he is one of my favorite musician's. Now have a listen to Baby and enjoy your life and your mood and have a great Friday.
Music is life's miracle remedy and I need my music that fits my mood now if my life had it's own soundtrack that would be more than amazing and enjoyable I mean I have an ipod, but my dad feel in love with my itouch so I gave it to him. I still feel that Kendrick Lamar's album Section.80 is Album of The Year I haven't stopped playing it since it's release and each track on the album has it's own vibe and makes me feel at ease with each passing song. My love for music is only because my father played a lot of country music growing up so I have a lot for every genre and I don't judge till I listen to it and I full know what to expect from that genre most people like Johnny Cash when they think country, but that man sang the blues. Music sure has a funny way of changing a person's mood I mean I was a bit angry before typing this and now I'm completely relaxed and mellow. I need to be a more relaxed person and music should help me accomplish that goal I mean saw a real change in my mood and I do need to be a more chill person since my family on my dad's side are usually angry people and I blame them for my anger lol.
Now I'll pose some questions when you listen to music what mood are you usually in and depending on the genre you put on how do you feel after? If you have never really paid attention to this well challenge yourself and when you feel sad or mad listen to some music and see what your mood is before and after. Do you ever listen to what your music is really saying or do you listen more from a recreational purpose? I'll just say the Charles Hamilton does have a lot of music to match the mood your in and that's one reason why he is one of my favorite musician's. Now have a listen to Baby and enjoy your life and your mood and have a great Friday.
-At the end of the day I'm walking with the heart of a lion
First Step
Well first blog entry, I will admit that I'm a ranter not a blogger. Well you might say that being a ranter and a blogger are the same thing, but honestly I see differences in both styles. Technically I am blogging my frustration or idea I guess it's dealers choice. Well let's be honest here I wanted to blog because I usually have a ton of ideas running through my head and I have nowhere to write them down and since I love my laptop. Blogging seemed like the healthy and perfect choice for me. I mean it's a healthy way of expressing myself instead of all that cutting and self harm which I never understood, but I guess it's a way of getting out what's bothering you.
I'm going to use my blog to rant and type down ideas or just ramble about topics that I find to be interesting, I'm a jokester and people usually never know when I'm being serious so blogging and ranting helps me be that serious person. It's a balance, humor and peace now I wonder how many people will believe that since my joking out weighs my seriousness usually and people think it's a big joke lol which sucks at times. Now after my entry I should really fix up the look of my blog cause it's so plain and dull kinda like my dating life *rim shot* lol and I hope you know I'm talking about a comedic rim shot. Well let's get a bit serious, I'll ask myself a honest question and I hope you ask yourself the same. "Am I Happy?" I ask myself this cause it's been a hectic week for myself and I think I wasn't too happy this week for the fact being a struggling middle class is tough and with all the bills piling up. I do my share of work to try to pay off bills which is tough also my struggling with myself to decide if I wanna be single or do I want companionship, but to be honest I don't think I can handle that right now.
Yet seriously wake up and reflect on what you did you yesterday and ask yourself "Did I have a good day?" I mean people usually wake up and just go through the day not giving a fuck which doesn't seem to productive now does it? I woke up and took my lil brother to his kindergarden class and I asked myself what productive think can you do today? The only thing I came up with was blogging and it's seems like its been productive I mean I got the ol' brain working instead of looking at random shit for 5 hours and then say, "I'm bored" which reminds me I wish I had some weed. Yet coffee does miracles and woke me right up well tomorrow is going to be Saturday and I'm going to ask myself a question to ponder throughout the day and I'll blog a bit more tomorrow after I get some English Premier League Soccer in my system.
-At the end of the day I'm walking with the heart of a lion
I'm going to use my blog to rant and type down ideas or just ramble about topics that I find to be interesting, I'm a jokester and people usually never know when I'm being serious so blogging and ranting helps me be that serious person. It's a balance, humor and peace now I wonder how many people will believe that since my joking out weighs my seriousness usually and people think it's a big joke lol which sucks at times. Now after my entry I should really fix up the look of my blog cause it's so plain and dull kinda like my dating life *rim shot* lol and I hope you know I'm talking about a comedic rim shot. Well let's get a bit serious, I'll ask myself a honest question and I hope you ask yourself the same. "Am I Happy?" I ask myself this cause it's been a hectic week for myself and I think I wasn't too happy this week for the fact being a struggling middle class is tough and with all the bills piling up. I do my share of work to try to pay off bills which is tough also my struggling with myself to decide if I wanna be single or do I want companionship, but to be honest I don't think I can handle that right now.
Yet seriously wake up and reflect on what you did you yesterday and ask yourself "Did I have a good day?" I mean people usually wake up and just go through the day not giving a fuck which doesn't seem to productive now does it? I woke up and took my lil brother to his kindergarden class and I asked myself what productive think can you do today? The only thing I came up with was blogging and it's seems like its been productive I mean I got the ol' brain working instead of looking at random shit for 5 hours and then say, "I'm bored" which reminds me I wish I had some weed. Yet coffee does miracles and woke me right up well tomorrow is going to be Saturday and I'm going to ask myself a question to ponder throughout the day and I'll blog a bit more tomorrow after I get some English Premier League Soccer in my system.
-At the end of the day I'm walking with the heart of a lion
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