Lately I have felt very anxious and a bit psychotic...I blame my nerves and my anxiety certain points during the day I get overwhelming feelings of anxiety than make me pace around my room and I start knock things over and panic. I don't know why I get these sudden feelings I have had walking and trying to get away from my usual routines, but nothing has helped to be honest this has gotten bad to the point I couldn't make any commentary vids. I've just been under a lot of pressure and my anxiety hasn't been helping me when I get an anxiety attack I close my eyes and I try controlling my breathing. Honestly I'm a very private person I don't like putting my stuff out there for the world to see, but I think I might just level with my blog and just post what I can't express to others...I mean I know me typing this on my blog people will be able to see it, but no one really knows me so I shouldn't give a fuck which is good I'm guessing. I haven't felt like myself in a long time maybe 3 or 4 years now I always thought it was the feeling of being loved, but I've dated and fucked my good share of chicks so I don't know if I'm trying to fill a void or I just don't give a flying fuck.
Whenever I am on facebook I search for a certain female and then I go to her profile and then click message, I type the message and then I never send it I just sit there with the message typed up and ready to go instead I erase the message and then the next day I type the same thing and then never send it. I'm not scared of her or anything it's just that she's ignored me for about almost a year and I don't know why especially after she confessed to me that she wanted a relationship with me wither it was a sexual one or emotional I don't know. So lately I haven't cared much for being nice to the opposite sex I call them whores, cunts, sluts, bitches and anything else you can think of cause I don't care for being the nice guy oh and a certain chick I know has been pestering me to give her some dick. She's been chasing after me since my junior year of high school and I've been almost 3 years out of high school and she still hasn't given up which is crazy to say the least also she hit me up yesterday. She wanted to go and fuck her, but I turned her down (insert your rage and any stupid comments here) Fuck off I said, "No" cause I felt like playing it cool and ignoring her I mean the ball is in my court and I'm trying to manipulate her.
This brandy sucks, but also rum is a good.
*sips rum* I wonder what I'll say about this post tomorrow...I'm impaired so I think typing all this shit is a good idea, but sober and clear thought me will probably be annoyed due to the fact I typed out most of this shit. If you read this will good for you. Laugh if you want or sympathize with me.
I wonder what time I'll sleep around tonight
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